The Wiener's Circle is here for you

Pandemic Bar Review - Lounge Ax

Since the pandemic started, one of my law school classmates (Class of 01') has been arranging a bi-weekly zoom chat.  After four or five I started writing weekly reminders in the form of e-mails similar to the ones I would write in school telling my classmates which Chicago bar we were going to that Thursday night.  I'm going to post those e-mails here.

Dear Friends,

Be advised that this bar review message is all about me and my memories.  It’s not necessarily about you.  It’s also not funny, it’s just sentimental.

Our 2L year was the year I got to write these weekly e-mails.  It was also the year I lived with Paul Godinez and Bill Springer on Halsted between Webster and Belden which was conveniently located a short walk from this week’s bar (and next week’s bar).

I spent every Monday night at Lounge Ax with Mike Pardo because that was where Pat McCurdy played until the bar closed in early 2000.  It was pretty dingy and very small but it was an awesome place to see live music.  I still listen to a recording of a Jeff Tweedy show from the bar’s last few nights of existence.

Pat McCurdy plays cheesy Irish bar music but Mike and I loved being there every Monday and we had a rotating group that joined us on a pretty regular basis.  Holly was there a lot and Corinne O’Melia was there at least half the time as well.  Some of my favorite memories were when you guys would show up on my birthday or some other occasion.  It made me feel very special and I’m getting all Fleming-like reminiscing about it.   Those nights were just pure fun and after this melancholy e-mail I wish we could grab some pitchers at Lounge Ax and listen to Pat play some of those silly tunes.  Lounge Ax closed about halfway through school and Pat started playing at Beat Kitchen (which has also hosted the Brand New Shoes) but Beat Kitchen was spacious by comparison and never had the crazy sing-along togetherness that Lounge Ax provided.

If you’re a weak ass liberal wearing a face-mask, you can buy one emblazoned with the title of his most famous song, If you haven’t had enough Pat for one e-mail, here is the greatest Wisconsin themed music video of all time with lots of white people doing the dance.  And if you still haven’t had enough you can listen to random songs from Pat’s insanely large catalog here.

I love you guys.  I promise to write something funnier next week.

Let’s all show up at Lounge Ax by 8PM this Thursday so we can get a table and not have to sit on those gross steps at the back of the room.

See you Thursday,

The Social Committee

P.S.

This was the goodbye message Lounge Ax’s owners Julia and Sue(Jeff Tweedy’s Wife) posted on their website when they closed:

Monday January 17, 2000
We would like to express our sincere thanks to everyone who ever set foot in our beloved little dump on Lincoln Avenue, to all the bands who played our last weeks, everyone who helped us move, and everyone who sent us good thoughts, flowers and wishes. And of course we want to thank our amazing employees, who will always be part of our family. Also, we want to thank the press for their support.
We will continue to look for a new space, and will keep the website updated as best we can. Thanks again.
Love,
Julia and Susan

First Post Since August 2011-Bar Review-Marie's Riptide Lounge

Since the pandemic started, one of my law school classmates (Class of 01') has been arranging a bi-weekly zoom chat.  After four or five I started writing weekly reminders in the form of e-mails similar to the ones I would write in school telling my classmates which Chicago bar we were going to that Thursday night.  I'm going to post those e-mails here.
Dear Friends,

It’s been 21 years since we started law school together.  That’s a long time.  A lot has changed. 99.5% of us married each other and had children.  A few of those children are now in High School.  Some of you have important jobs.  Some of you had important jobs but are now shlubs. Big shout out to Andy was just named the GC for a medical data company that has been described as “The Next Theranos.” 

To reflect upon all the things that have changed since law school, this week’s Bar Review (and future ones) will be held at bars no longer in existence.  This week’s night out is being held, in spirit, at Marie’s Riptide Lounge on Armitage just west of the Dan Ryan Expressway.  They closed in 2013.  They had Old Style, pickled eggs, and a skeet shooting game.  I know we were there on more than one late night but I only remember a night (that wasn't Valentine's Day) when they had Valentine’s Day decorations hanging from the ceiling and Erik and I spent a significant amount of time with the skeet shooting game.  They also had an excellent jukebox (with some Linda Ronstadt…I think).  Marie passed on at the ripe old age of 88.  She lived above the bar and treated her employees like family.

So this week’s Bar Review is, in spirit, at the Rip Tide Lounge.  They will give you 2 for 1 Old Styles with your student ID. To get there from the law school, cab it.   Doors open at 7:30 Chicago time.

See you Thursday,

The Social Committee

Now that we got Obama, I mean Osama, Book Review

Three months ago some Navy Seals killed Osama Bin Laden.  When I think about the raid, I prefer to imagine a kid friendly version where actual seals enter the compound while barking for bait fish and balancing beach balls on their noses.  As the seals bombard Osama with beach balls his multiple wives form a human shield forming the largest animal v. human game of dodge ball the world has ever known.

I suppose it also could have been this guy.

As meaningful as the Osama take down was for its retributive benefit and as an operation to fight terrorism around the world, it holds a different significance for me.  It affirms a universal truth about men.  No, I am not discussing our penchant for human shields.  Rather, I refer to our undeniable exposure to pornography.  In case you didn't hear, Osama had porn.  The leader of jihadists throughout the world who was often referred to as pious was anything but.  Surprised?  I'm not.  The  skeptic in me has known for a long time that there are no truly pious men, just men biding their time until they have a some time alone with the Internet. Of course the issues involving global terrorism and jihad are way more serious and complex that every man's porn habit.

I recently finished a book which deals with some of those issues and more, The Finkler Question by Howard Jacobson, ("TFQ").  Let me say first that I'm not a fan of books about Jews.  I'm a Jew, (genetically at least) and I have read, mostly on my mother's suggestion, a shitload of novels that could best be described as Jew centered fiction.  There was the one about the inquisition, the biblical one; she just tried convincing me to read one about a Jewish civil war soldier.  I  picked up TFQ because I heard the end of an interview with Jacobson on NPR where his response to a question about winning the Man Booker Prize was, "it was about time."  So I read TFQ and was not disappointed.

The novel revolves around three friends (two Jewish and one who desperately wants to be Jewish) and touches upon the complexities of their relationships and their feelings about their own religion.  The book, though not lengthy, is not what you'd call a fast read.  What little action there is takes place early on and sets the stage for many chapters which can best be described as "discussion of earlier events".  The entire novel is set against a backdrop of ever increasing European anti-semitism and its relationship to sympathy for Palestinians under Israeli occupation.  One of the main characters has chosen to be an "ashamed  Jew" speaking out against the occupation while the other Jewish character is less political and deeply mourning his wife.  The main character, a gentile, longs to be a Jew; something which he perceives to be special with an intellectual flair which he cannot grasp.  There are other minor characters all which play somehow into the themes of being  Jewish in a Christian world.  The book is funny at times, incredibly well written and rewarding.  It may have Jews but my mother will probably hate it because it's not pulpy trash.

There is one overarching reminder throughout the book.  This is a Christian world (at least Europe and America).  My son is about to start public school after going to a temple school for pre-kindergarten.  We didn't want to send him there but we quickly realized that the non-denominational schools were by default, Christian schools.  Now we are faced with the same problem, public school is Christian.  Christmas is in the curriculum.  We are not religious people, really we are atheists.  But if there is  no true non-denominational option, we'd rather him have a Jewish education than a Christian one.  Today we were at local public high school for my son's basketball trophy ceremony.  The High School rents its cafeteria to a church on the weekends and there were church flyers everywhere.  I wasn't offended but should I be, it's a public school.  We're going to see how it goes with public school, but the second my kid tells me Jesus died for my sins I'm going to start saving up to get him back in the Jewish day school.

Anyone who thinks there is a war on Christianity should feel secure that the war is over and the Christians won.

CRUDBUMP: ____ You If You Don't Like Christmas

Shitty Poem for winter in South Florida

In winter the leaves don't fall
well, some leaves fall
but they do not fill bags on every lawn.
We do not own a rake
or a blower
because we are tropical
and have Cuban restaurants in every strip mall.

In winter the children still play soccer outside
in shorts and t-shirts,
and visit the beach
though the wind has picked up
and it is not
possible
to play frisbee.

In winter we wait for our friends from the snow
to visit
on their way to the new
cruise ships and their
gluttonous escapes
into the Carribean.
We drive them
to the airport.

In winter we unpack our one sweater
and wear it one time
and pack it up again
for next year.

We do not realize that spring has arrived.

Cover Songs and Video Games

I am listening to an album of cover songs (the one pictured above) and thinking about how great they can be.  Sara Watkins singing Late John Garfield Blues by John Prine is beautiful and it creates something wonderful while paying homage to the original.  The whole idea has me considering the originality and its necessity, or lack thereof, in the creative process.  The other thing that has me thinking about this issue is video games, or rather, a lawsuit about video games.  A former Arizona State Quarterback has sued EA Sports regarding prior versions of their NCAA football game which used the accurate numbers and information of college players.

The case raises 1st Amendment questions about the use of likenesses in video games and other mediums.  What is it about an expression, video game or otherwise, which qualifies it as protected speech? Video games have already been determined to be the kind of creative expression covered by the 1st Amendment.  So why does this use of a college player's likeness seem so unjust.  I have no good answer.  My problem with this is likely related to Greg Ostertag.  That's the big man up there.  When Ostertag was in college at Kansas, a college basketball mecca, he already had his own family and lived on campus in family housing.  The digs were barely basic but probably what most people would consider acceptable for an amateur athlete in school on a scholarship.  Fine.  Except that while Ostertag and his family were handling their meager existence, the KU store was selling out of Ostertag jerseys, t-shirts and dolls (yes, dolls).  Here was a school, a public institution of higher learning, profiting from the likeness and efforts of one of their student-athletes.  They were not the first or the last to do so.  I know that schools make money from the television broadcasts, etc. of their successful teams, but the Ostertag thing did not seem right to me.

Same thing goes for the EA case.  We can certainly understand that a video game is a creative endeavor, but can't we weigh how creative.  Aren't the EA  sports games more commercial than creative.  It's seems unlikely to me that the 9th Circuit will split hairs betwixt video games and apply some kind of creativity sniff test.  And I understand that is probably the correct decision because we do not want courts drawing fine distinctions about what is creative and what is commercial when so many mediums are both creative and for commercial gain.  However, just like the Ostertag dolls, something about it just doesn't feel right.  We will see what the 9th Circuit does with the case and whether freedoms trump fairness.  Stay tuned for a case update.

Good Radiation (public radio rap)

Halloween, Fat Guy in Driveway

My son was Batman for Halloween, I was a fat guy sitting in my driveway. I wish I had been a Minotaur.

This was our first Halloween in our new neighborhood and I was generally impressed. There were abundant balloons of orange and black with the fancier balloons in the form of ghosts interspersed. The children were polite despite the proliferation of high school kids sans costume looking for candy hand outs. Surely their parents must not be Tea Party members, how could they sanction candy entitlement programs. At the end of the night we had the requisite (and quite dangerous) surplus of chocolate and candy which is now available gratis in the office kitchen.

When I was considering this post I had a varied list of subjects to discuss. (Talking Bird by Death Cab for Cutie just came on my Pandora Station) I could write about why women in an alarming majority uniformly wear slutty costumes at Halloween, or about the disappointing results of the mid-term elections, or about how so many of us wear disguises in our daily life. (A Father and A Son by Loudon Wainwright III just came on my Pandora Station) Ultimately I have decided to incorporate all three subjects because they are undoubtedly related.

Women in Sexy Costumes

(Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash just came on my Pandora Station (it's the Folsom Prison live version)) Like any guy, I am 100% in support of women in sexy costumes. What I'm more curious about is the psychology behind it. (Give it Up by The Format just came on my Pandora Station) When you put on a costume are you revealing a part of yourself, (Let it Ride by Ryan Adams just came on my Pandora Station) or are you pretending to be something you always wanted to be, or is there nothing special at all about wearing a costume. Don't misunderstand, the sexy permutations are not the point. I am not saying that sexy nurse wants to be a nurse. (The Hazards of Love 4 by The Decemberists just came on my Pandora Station) What I am asking is whether sexy nurse is someone who is always wishing she could have her IV bags on display or is she someone who wouldn't dream of that in her daily life and embraces those few occasions when she can be someone else. I believe it is an important question about motivation: Are you trying to be someone else or exhibiting who you always were?


My wife has just informed me that I am foolish and trying to create meaning where there is none. She also suspects that this post is an excuse to peruse the proliferation of sexy costume pictures on the internet. (You've Got to Hide Your Love Away by The Beatles just came on my Pandora Station) She is probably right, the desire to dress sexy (probably evolutionary) may have nothing to do with deeper seeded thinking about disguises and a person's sense of self but to the extent people are kidding themselves when they put on these costumes, it belies a truth about how we represent ourselves to the world.

The Mid-Term Election

Despite all that Obama has accomplished, the democrats had very little hope of retaining the House. We know that historically the country unseats the ruling party when times are tough, regardless of who created the problem or the progress being made to improve things. What is special about this election is the level of delusion exhibited by voters in comparison to prior elections. The Tea Party has made libertarianism (See Rand Paul) the momentary fashion while simultaneously selling the idea to the same people it would hurt the most. Voting Republican in this last cycle amounted to farmers voting against farm subsidies. More strikingly, but not new in any respect, people without means voted to extend tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, increasing the divide between our working poor and the rich to an even wider chasm. They also voted against funding the programs which prevent our middle class from falling into poverty as they get old or if they become sick.

Part of the reason has to be a deluded self image. My co-worker told me once a while ago that people vote against benefits becasue they believe they'll be rich one day and will get stuck with the bill. Are we really so deluded that we vote R because we think the lottery ticket is a winner or possibly less likely, because we think our hard work will get us to the top. Hard work will not get you to the top, not usually. So everyone should lose that rich guy costume in the polling booth and vote in a way that might positively affect their life. (I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers just came on my iTunes set to shuffle). Instead, the rallying cry is small government and reducing benefits. Because that worked so well before the 1950's. Everyone voting Tea Party should be forced to read the entire Steinbeck collection and then answer book club questions about how much harder life was without government intervention.

Unfortunately, this might be our American nature. I highly suggest you pause in your reading and watch this video animating a lecture by the author of Nickel and Dimed.

We Delude Ourselves

We simply do not value realism, let alone skepticism. Both of which are absolutely necessary if we want to be a society which takes care of its least fortunate and which protects those without means from the people and businesses who would take advantage of an unregulated marketplace. So it is sad that in our daily lives we disguise ourselves as "the guy who will make it big one day," because that is all it is; a disguise which is also a delusion. I am not encouraging laziness, or implying in any way that people are resigned to a life of financial mediocrity. I'm only saying what is true, that most people in the lower to middle income levels are likely to stay that way and will not be a part of that top .2% which is actually affected by the tax cut expiring. In fact, during the Bush administration the wealthiest Americans saw an average yearly income increase of 6% while the middle class and poorer Americans experienced no wage increase at all. So why do we do it, why do we vote with a rich guy costume on? Unfortunately, it may be the American Dream. We are taught early on to measure success in terms of wealth and material things. We also believe that we are one big idea away from easy street. I'm no hippie, but if we want people to be less deluded (I think we do), then we might have to look at our values first.

Review of Last Night in Twisted River, Etc.

I recently finished the latest novel by John Irving, Last Night in Twisted River. While I enjoyed it, the sad moments stayed with me longer than I would have liked and it lacked the satisfying, ongoing reveal of Until I Find You. If you intend to read the novel and don't want any detail spoiled, stop reading now.



The book takes us into another little know world much in the same way that his last novel brought out the history of the modern tattoo though this time we see the business, the New Hampshire logging industry, from the point of view of a camp cook. The same camp cook is later a restaurant chef and owner which provides another interesting backdrop for the novel. Some of the other Irving elements are also present, familial though not incestuous relationships, a private school education (with wrestling), and extended view of a single life. None of Irving's novels including and since Garp could be considered snapshots and LNiTR is no different. The story is a saga and follows a single family of men from the New Hamphire woods to Boston's North End to Iowa to Vermont and ultimately to Toronto. The book is riddled with death of several varieties which the drive the book to its conclusion and its suspense is not of the usual kind. The story is a long chase over the course of many years without the violence of No Country for Old Men and it's enjoyable if not on the same level as some of Irving's other novels.

Let The Great World Spin by Colum McCann

I read this after LNiTR and it was easily the greatest reading experience I have had in the last five years. The characters are wonderful, their interactions are moving, the language is terrific. A truly great book in my humble opinion. That is all I will say except to tell you that you should read it, then we can meet for a drink and talk about it. I have read a couple of other books since, Talk Talk by T.C. Boyle and A Geography of Time by Robert Levine. They were both fine but nothing compared to the experience of LtGWS. Looking forward to reading The Finkler Question and to writing about it when I'm done.

Thanksgiving and a Birthday

I am publishing this post almost a year after I started drafting it. It's been a good year for my family though not a great year at work or for the country in general. Here's hoping that by the time I publish a post for Thanksgiving 2010, things have turned around.

November 24, 2009 - November 25, 2009

My son is not sleeping tonight; he is waking up every half hour with another perceived need or complaint. He has woken up to urinate, to get a drink of water (related), to tell me he doesn't have any "company is his room for sleeping," to ask for his toy cars, and to get tucked in more tightly. It is actually a wonderful way to begin my birthday because I was not at home when he went to bed tonight at a ridiculously early hour. His early bedtime is the result of a convergence of a singular process and a yearly one; we (the parents) are taking away his nap and we have just set the clock's back reverting to Standard Time from Daylight Savings Time.

It's easy to understand why the nap deprivation is doing some damage. He had two hours of slumber every day beginning at noon and it's easy understand why he is getting tired earlier. But we've been through days with him without naps before and there was never a direct correlation to his bedtime. The real culprit is our reversion to standard time. On the first Sunday in November we set the clocks back an hour (last Sunday in October in the E.U.). It is pitch black out at 5:30 these days and my kid can't handle it.

In all respects my kid is essentially a farm animal or a farmer, more likely the livestock. It gets dark, he wants to sleep. The unfortunate product of the early bedtime is my son waking up repeatedly beginning anywhere between 2 and 4 AM. There is significant controversy in the history and practice of DST, my complaint about my kid's inability to stay awake past Six pm is a drop in the bucket.

November 25-26, 2009

Despite the lack of sleep because of my son's frequent requests and complaints, we piled in the car for Tampa on Wednesday morning. After a stop at the library, a run for 3 dozen bagels to be frozen in my mother-in-law's freezer #2, and a fill-up at the gas station, we left in the pouring rain for the 4.6 hour drive to Odessa, Florida. It was uneventful apart from the numerous accidents we passed in the deluge. The boy had to pee once and I pulled past the shoulder onto the grass where he peed while standing on the door frame and never stepped outside of the Toyota. I got some birthday calls en route.

I had a nice birthday steak dinner and an ice cream pie with a candle in it. Yeah, 35.

On Thanksgiving morning my mother-in-law was twittering around the house pretending to have something to do. My father-in-law was deep frying the turkeys for later in the day. People came and drank and ate and fun was had by all. End of story.

*I hope everyone and their children have a wonderful Halloween and Thanksgiving*

Up Late and Rambling

Thanksgiving is coming up (as well as my birthday) and though I'm not prone to introspective moments I am inspired to review the things I'm thankful for outside of the obvious. Hopefully the obvious, wife and child, know that I'm appreciative daily, not just in November.
I am thankful for television. Though I enjoy reading (am currently reading John Irving's latest and enjoying it), playing with my son, and speaking with my wife; there is something wonderful about the lack of effort necessary to watch television. This has been an especially good season with The Office and 30 Rock at the height of their powers, an excellent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm on this past week, and continuously satisfying episodes of The Amazing Race.

Recently on The Amazing Race, Super Christian Couple had a moment at the top of a water slide that was must-see TV. Jerky guy practically throws her down the slide.



Classy guy. This episode led to more of the aforementioned enjoyable discussion with my wife where she accused me of trying to throw her down the slide in the fictional world where we are contestants on TAR. I told her that she would never wear that silly looking bathing suit and floaties. The wife has actually sabotaged videotaped applications for the show and I am looking for a new potential teammate. My favorite part was the trash talking exhibited by the Globetrotters when they arrived.

After the fact, jerky guy thought he wasn't abusive. I guess attempting to throw your girlfriend off a six story platform isn't abusive, it's just competition. Don't you love America, trying to win a million dollars is an excuse for anything.

How to Eat a Chicken Wing

I've been preaching the split and suck method for years. Let's go get some wings.

Big Brass Balls

Missouri, really, please tell me this is not happening. But it is. A high school band, long the refuge of the socially advanced, had a clever idea for a shirt that matched with their theme: Brass Evolutions. It reeks of Mingus and Davis and had those band kids on the road to respectability, at least until the wackos got wind of it.

The shirts had the ever so recognizable, though scientifically inaccurate, image of ape transforming slowly to man. Band parent, Sherry Melby, who also happens to be a teacher in the district (kids in this district are totally screwed), was offended by the t-shirt.

"I was disappointed with the image on the shirt.” Melby said. “I don’t think evolution should be associated with our school."

I wonder what class Ms. Melby teaches, "Science is for Wizards," or perhaps, "How I Can Damage Today's Youth and Send Them Off to College to be Mocked," or even, "Why God Put the Fossils Here to Trick Us."

And shame on you Brad Politt, Assistant Superintendent of the district with idiotic parents. You are supposed to be a beacon of learning, a pillar of the educational system. And yet, you compare the clever reference to Darwin's theory on a t-shirt to an image of Jesus on the cross.

"I made the decision to have the band members turn the shirts in after several concerned parents brought the shirts to my attention,” Pollitt said. Pollitt said the district is required by law to remain neutral where religion is concerned.“If the shirts had said ‘Brass Resurrections’ and had a picture of Jesus on the cross, we would have done the same thing,” he said.

No wonder Ms. Melby has a job. How many times does a Federal Court need to say it before someone blasting evangelical rock in a mega church hears it: Evolution is science, religion is religion. The fact that Mr. Pollitt would equate an understanding and acceptance of evolution with any religion is something that should make us all concerned. Even worse is the unnamed booster/asshole who refused to pay for half the shirts when he saw the evolution motif.

If you didn't already know, Kirk Cameron is also an anti-evolution loon and here's his plan to defeat Darwin in the afterlife followed by an exasperated response in a heavy accent.

Not Enough Money

One of the issues bad faith attorneys have encountered over the years is a particular problem in Florida, the multiple claimant/short limit, ("MC/SL"), dillema. MC/SL issues arise whenever there are insufficient proceeds to resolve all of the claims arising from an incident and the number claimants exceeds the the number which results from the division of the aggregate limit of insurance by the per person limit of insurance. It sounds more complex than it is. If you have an insurance policy with per person limits of 100 and an aggregate limit of 300, you would need to have more than 3 claims to have an MC/SL situation (the total value of all the claims would also need to exceed 300).

Some jurisdictions have adopted a first come, first serve rule which protects carriers from bad faith allegations. This allows an insurer to settle a third party claim against its insured without regard for other potential claims arising from the same loss. In those states (Texas is one), the insurer has no duty to try and resolve as many claims as possible against the insured thereby preserving the maximum available coverage for the insured. Rather, third party insurers in First Come/First Serve states are free to resolve claims as they are presented without regard to protecting the insured's assets or obtaining the greatest value for the contracted liability limits. The insured is left to deal with any judgment in excess of their contracted limit because the insurer can pay claims as they arrive without concern for limiting the overall value of claims against their insured.

Why should it be that someone purchasing insurance in Texas should get less benefit from the same policy as a purchaser in identical circumstances in Florida. In what other industry does state regulation substantially diminish a product being purchased, let alone a product so necessary and regulated.

A man walks into a bar...

Joke from my colleague:
A man says to his wife, "Can you tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time?" She thinks for a few minutes and then tells him, " You have a bigger dick then all of your friends."








The video above qualifies: so funny, so so sad. I'm frequently surprised at the absence of plain simple logic and truth telling that has become a part of our political system and which is so clearly protected by our First Amendment protections. Lying has so many ramifications in the real world, I threaten a defamation suit on behalf of clients weekly. But lie about a politician or his policies and you are protected. Seemingly ridiculous when you consider the damage misinformation in the political realm does, i.e., we elect the wrong people. I know it's not original of me to point out but people eat up this Glenn Beck bullshit regardless of how it's spelled. This reminds me of another joke that more aptly summarizes the relationship of Glenn Beck to his fans.

A bear and a rabbit are sitting next to each other in the woods shitting. The bear looks down at the rabbit and says, "Hey rabbit, you ever have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says no, so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

P.S. Regardless of his hilarious spelling error (which I have to believe was meant for me personally), someone should tell Glenn Beck what an oligarchy is.

Barney Frank Confronts Woman At Townhall Comparing Obama To Hitler

A tribute to the 1st Amendment.

Science is Kool and Why My Niece is so Advanced

My Son and his Cousin (my niece) love each other. It's really very sweet. They love each other in the way only a three and a half year old and a four year old can love each other. They run to each other, they embrace freely and chase each other into a frenzy. They keep up with each other throughout the day at a pace that exhausts any witness to their reunions. Throughout the day some differences become apparent: princesses and baseball. Though my niece is game and enjoys her time at bat and my son will push a doll around the house in a stroller, their minds quickly wander to their own areas of interest.

It's at the end of the day where my niece enjoys a competitive advantage in the game to see who can play longer. As they get ready for bed and get tucked into the upper and lower levels of the trundle bed my son is justifiably exhausted; my niece, who should be tired, has a gleam in her eye and through the intercom we hear her whispering for my son to wake up and play at 11:00 PM. She wakes him at 6. She is invincible and my son is exhausted. Why the difference, I had no idea until the Times laid it out for me. My niece is the next rung on the evolutionary ladder. Or a mutant, but she's such a cute kid I'd hate to use that label. Can you imagine if this mutation becomes more prevalent, a small group of people (led by my niece) may take over the world because they are awake and feeling refreshed at 4:30 in the morning while the rest of are still asleep. In a pre-dawn offensive the world could change because of these new less fantastic X-Men.

Just think of their advantages. They can stare at you while you sleep and examine your numerous flaws, the chinks in your armor. They can read the morning paper before you and redact the portions they don't want you to know about. They can eat breakfast while you sleep and be ready for lunch when you are eating breakfast, they may always be a meal ahead. So maybe the advantages of this mutation are not as far reaching. But what if the mutation becomes more prevalent. If one third of the world was awake and ready for work at 5 in the morning what else would change. It's too horrible to think about.

I know that technically the mutation may not be an evolutionary development but how incredible would it be if it was. A mutation influenced by the amount of time needed to accomplish a day's work would be an incredible development. It would almost be a little sad if we discovered the mutation only affected Americans. Other organisms have made adaptations which make the sleep thing look like a lame card trick. Several months ago a friend posted this link to his facebook page. I read it, thought it was cool, then forgot about it. Then I watched "The Happening." It is not a good movie but it was not so horrible that it has been denied full rotation on the HBO networks. For those who have not seen it, the premise is that foliage develops a neurotoxin that it releases into the wind which affects human brains in such a way that anyone exposed to the toxin commits suicide. Pretty cool. Well it was cool when it was a joke of a movie. Not so funny when you find out that fungus already does this to insects. That's right, there is mind control fungus which forces ants to die facing certain directions and at certain heights. All of my sister's theories about sharks taking over the world now pale in comparison to the threat posed by Ophiocordyceps unilateralis. For now, they only threaten ants but it can only be a matter of time until we are laying face down, biting a leaf on the north side of a tree. Who will protect us from the fungus among us? (Picture is property of The American Naturalist/University of Chicago Press)

Deposition in St. Petersburg and Mutiny

Unfortunately this seems to be a pattern. I don't post for a long time and then find myself with a private moment where I can jot something down. Current Facebook Status: sitting in a court reporter's office in St. Petersburg, Florida with some time to myself. I just got back from a short walk up and down Central Avenue. There are a lot of closed storefronts, a lot of homeless folks, some new trendy restaurants and plenty of parking. There are some older coffee shops and restaurants on the street that I wish I had time to try, but I didn't. There are also a ton of music venues I can remember going to with friends when I was in college. I listened to my iPod throughout my stroll and was pleased to hear "Wanna be Startin Something" by MJ (so glad I put Thriller on this contraption). After MJ was a version of "Rawhide" by Ricky Skaggs, then Shlomo Artzi.

I really couldn't prepare anymore for the witness. The room I was in was vintage shared corporate office space. There was a painting of a tree done in three colors, red white and black that was reminiscent of every garage sale ever conducted, 4 glass jars of candy (I have had two caramels, not Kraft), 1 Costco sized container of UTZ holiday shaped pretzels (the holiday was clearly Christmas with pretzels in the shape of Christmas trees). There were also the obligatory colored drawings of St. Pete/Tampa landmarks of which I recognized none, though one may have been the Stetson Law School campus in Gulfport. My iPod then switched to "Last Date" by Floyd Cramer and I wondered if all the oohs and ahs in the song mean it's not an instrumental piece. There is a TV in the corner with a mounted apparatus for video conferencing which we won't need today. The receptionist just told me I can't park where I parked so I move my car wondering how she knew where I parked.


The deposition lasted too long and without revealing any details let me just say that the witness is a horrible person. I actually think he is a sociopath and who has been taking advantage of weaker people his whole life with impunity. In fact, this case, this current deposition is not being taken about those issues, he is a mere fact witness and my questioning is no deterrence to his future activities. Worst of all, he is not alone. Though I cannot mention details I only say that this man's behavior is part of a larger conspiracy and I am immediately reminded of the men of the Pitcairn Islands.


The Pitcairn Islands are where the descendants of Fletcher Christian (leader of the mutineers of the HMS Bounty) settled after setting Captain William Bligh adrift on rowboat. It's an incredible true story, as documented by numerous websites, that far surpasses the romanticized versions of the films. I have never seen the 1962 version but we can all picture the later incarnation with Mel Gibson and Anthony Hopkins. The movie also has Daniel-Day Lewis, Liam Neeson and an aged Lawrence Olivier as the admiral. I've digressed. The thing about the movie and its predecessors is that they are bullshit. There was no falling in love with Tahitian women, there was the kidnapping of Tahitian women. The mutineers kidnapped as many women as they could and settled on Pitcairn Island establishing their own society.



The settlers were left alone for their part without the judgment of the world to affect their habits and until relatively recently they sexually abused all the young girls who had the unfortunate fate of being born to a Pitcairn family. I suggest listening to the interview at the link with Kathy Marks who wrote "Lost Paradise" about the trial of the Pitcairn men. In summary, these islands with a population which hovers around 50 have created a tradition out of having sex with with the islands' young women against their will. Nobody says anything and the practice has continued for as long as the residents remember. I should mention that the Pitcairn Islands are a British Overseas Territory. They are part of the British Empire, but they are also so far from anything and everything that their connection to the world around them has been for most of the society's existence, tenuous at best. Just read Ms. Mark's telling of how to reach the island:

"Ms. MARKS: Pitcairn, in 2009, still has no airstrip, not even a safe harbor. I traveled there from Australia. It took about a week to get there.
DAVIES: A week.
Ms. MARKS: A series of flights from Australia, followed by a very rough, 30-hour boat voyage from a distant corner of French Polynesia. Now, having made that rather grueling journey, you then anchor about a mile off Pitcairn and wait for the island's men to bring out the longboat. That's the only way of getting on and off the island still - is the traditional boats that the men steer.
What I found curious when I first arrived in 2004 to report on the first trials of Pitcairn men, the islanders brought out their longboat - it drew up alongside us and I was quite astonished. I looked out and saw that the two men who were driving the longboat were two of the men who were about to go on trial for very serious child sex offenses. And I thought gosh, this is going to be quite an unusual assignment, and this is quite an unusual place."

If you familiarize yourself with the story you'll learn that ultimately several of the men were ultimately punished for their crime despite the punishments being woefully inadequate. But the men were only found out because a British policewoman was stationed on the island who was confided in by a 15 year old girl. What's more shocking about the story is that women who had left Pitcairn did not speak up until after the case of the 15 year old was being investigated. ( I assume, not trying to blame the victims here). Pitcairn was a place dominated by men because of its rugged and harsh existence and the confluence of isolation and dominance led to a tragic outcome. But there is no remorse on Pitcairn because they don't believe they've done anything wrong. One can imagine the pleas of Pitcairn men not to be saddled with the judgment of the outside world. The lesson we should all take away form this story is that isolation leads to bad things. Cruel things. And a compromised set of values unhindered by a watchful eye.

We can see it in smaller ways in our own society when we consider isolation by economic means, by race, religion and political persuasion. It may be many people's dream to have that large piece of property with no neighbor in sight but in my opinion it does more harm than we imagine. Let's all live in one giant condo, they are really cheap right now.

Gay Marriage Would Be Great for the Economy

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