Dear Allison and Allison's Boyfriend: Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you. I don't believe for a second that you honestly mistook the oven for a toilet, that is not a mistake drunk people make. The mistake is that you thought it was funny.
You actually thought to yourself, "this is going to be a funny prank," which unfortunately means that not only are you inconsiderate horrible guests (that should know better than to ever call again), but you are also stupid. So stupid, so moronic that when you arrived at your host's home at 4:30 AM you decided it would be funny to urinate in her oven. My sister/cousin (another story about how we are related may follow) is a nice young girl, not some dude who left you an upper decker that you have a running prankfest with, she is a sweet girl who on occasion actually used her oven. She is sweet and you are jerks.
Did you even acknowledge the violation? Only when prompted. And then your meager apologies were short shrift as you made no attempts to clean the mess and left town without even the slightest, "hey, I think my boyfriend may have pissed in your oven last night." You just left her to discover the urine when she turned the oven on and filled her apartment with the alkaline smell of ignoramus piss. We hate you. You are not friends of ours.
I hope you have equally inconsiderate friends that get drunk and drop a deuce on your carpet. If you were actually sorry, you would replace the oven recognizing that no person should have to eat from a pee oven regardless of whether it is actually harmful or unsanitary. So step up and replace the oven, or make your boyfriend buy one. Damn it, do the right thing. My two year old knows you don't pee in the oven. You suck. Plus you should replace her sheets and blow up mattress. Screw you for treating her apartment like an hourly motel.
2 comments:
I am going to bake you and Randi some brownies in my oven. Just kidding.
good for you, man.
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