Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Science is Kool and Why My Niece is so Advanced

My Son and his Cousin (my niece) love each other. It's really very sweet. They love each other in the way only a three and a half year old and a four year old can love each other. They run to each other, they embrace freely and chase each other into a frenzy. They keep up with each other throughout the day at a pace that exhausts any witness to their reunions. Throughout the day some differences become apparent: princesses and baseball. Though my niece is game and enjoys her time at bat and my son will push a doll around the house in a stroller, their minds quickly wander to their own areas of interest.

It's at the end of the day where my niece enjoys a competitive advantage in the game to see who can play longer. As they get ready for bed and get tucked into the upper and lower levels of the trundle bed my son is justifiably exhausted; my niece, who should be tired, has a gleam in her eye and through the intercom we hear her whispering for my son to wake up and play at 11:00 PM. She wakes him at 6. She is invincible and my son is exhausted. Why the difference, I had no idea until the Times laid it out for me. My niece is the next rung on the evolutionary ladder. Or a mutant, but she's such a cute kid I'd hate to use that label. Can you imagine if this mutation becomes more prevalent, a small group of people (led by my niece) may take over the world because they are awake and feeling refreshed at 4:30 in the morning while the rest of are still asleep. In a pre-dawn offensive the world could change because of these new less fantastic X-Men.

Just think of their advantages. They can stare at you while you sleep and examine your numerous flaws, the chinks in your armor. They can read the morning paper before you and redact the portions they don't want you to know about. They can eat breakfast while you sleep and be ready for lunch when you are eating breakfast, they may always be a meal ahead. So maybe the advantages of this mutation are not as far reaching. But what if the mutation becomes more prevalent. If one third of the world was awake and ready for work at 5 in the morning what else would change. It's too horrible to think about.
I know that technically the mutation may not be an evolutionary development but how incredible would it be if it was. A mutation influenced by the amount of time needed to accomplish a day's work would be an incredible development. It would almost be a little sad if we discovered the mutation only affected Americans. Other organisms have made adaptations which make the sleep thing look like a lame card trick. Several months ago a friend posted this link to his facebook page. I read it, thought it was cool, then forgot about it. Then I watched "The Happening." It is not a good movie but it was not so horrible that it has been denied full rotation on the HBO networks. For those who have not seen it, the premise is that foliage develops a neurotoxin that it releases into the wind which affects human brains in such a way that anyone exposed to the toxin commits suicide. Pretty cool. Well it was cool when it was a joke of a movie. Not so funny when you find out that fungus already does this to insects. That's right, there is mind control fungus which forces ants to die facing certain directions and at certain heights. All of my sister's theories about sharks taking over the world now pale in comparison to the threat posed by Ophiocordyceps unilateralis. For now, they only threaten ants but it can only be a matter of time until we are laying face down, biting a leaf on the north side of a tree. Who will protect us from the fungus among us? (Picture is property of The American Naturalist/University of Chicago Press)

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